BEYOND INTIMACY EPISODE 1
UNDERSTANDING DUE BENEVOLENCE IN MARRIAGE
KEY SCRIPTURE: 1 Corinthians 7:3
«“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”»
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is God’s design for companionship, love, partnership, intimacy and mutual care. While sexual intimacy is an important part of marriage, intimacy in marriage goes far beyond sex.
Benevolence means an act of kindness, goodwill, generosity and intentional concern for another person’s welfare.
Therefore, due benevolence in marriage is not merely about what happens in the bedroom. It is about deliberately asking:
“What can I do to make my spouse feel loved, valued, supported, respected and cared for?”
UNDERSTANDING THE KEY WORDS (From the 1 Cor 7:3)
1. RENDER — Give Actively
The word render speaks of giving actively and willingly yielding oneself.
It is intentional action.
Marriage cannot thrive when both partners are constantly waiting for the other person to make the first move.
Sometimes, you have to initiate:
– Initiate affection.
– Initiate communication.
– Initiate reconciliation.
– Initiate encouragement.
– Initiate quality time.
– Initiate help.
– Initiate intimacy.
Love is not only something we feel; love is something we deliberately express.
2. DUE — What You Owe / What Is Appropriate
Due speaks of what is owed, appropriate or fitting.
Marriage comes with responsibilities. When we said “I do,” we accepted the responsibility to care for another person’s heart, needs and wellbeing.
This does not mean that spouses should manipulate, coerce or demand from one another. Rather, it calls us to recognize that marriage requires mutual responsibility and thoughtful consideration.
Ask yourself:
“What does my spouse need from me at this season of our marriage?”
Sometimes the answer is sex.
Sometimes it is a listening ear.
Sometimes it is a helping hand.
Sometimes it is reassurance.
Sometimes it is financial support.
Sometimes it is simply your presence.
3. LIKEWISE — Mutuality and Reciprocity
Paul says:
“And likewise also the wife unto the husband.”
This introduces the principle of mutuality, reciprocity and symmetry.
Marriage is not one person giving while the other continually takes.
It is not:
“What am I getting?”
It is:
“What am I giving?”
Both husband and wife have a responsibility to intentionally care for each other.
DUE BENEVOLENCE AND LOVE LANGUAGES
There is a close relationship between due benevolence and love languages.
Understanding your spouse’s love language helps you practice benevolence accurately.
You may sincerely love your spouse, but if you consistently express that love in a way they do not recognize or value, they may still feel neglected.
For example, one spouse may feel loved through words of affirmation, while another feels loved through acts of service.
One may desire quality time; another may deeply appreciate thoughtful gifts or physical affection.
Love language helps you understand “HOW” to express love.
But due benevolence goes a step further.
It speaks of intentionality; the extra mile you go to satisfy, support, bless and please your spouse.
It is saying:
«“I know this matters to you, therefore I will make an intentional effort to do it.”»
WHAT ELSE CAN BE GIVEN AS DUE BENEVOLENCE?
Sexual intimacy is important in marriage, but it is not the only expression of intimacy.
There are other dimensions of benevolence that help build a healthy and balanced home.
1. AFFECTION
Affection communicates:
“I love you. I desire you. You matter to me.”
A hug, a kiss, holding hands, sitting close, a warm embrace or a gentle touch can communicate affection.
“Do not allow familiarity to kill affection”.
2. COMPANIONSHIP
Your spouse should not merely be the person you live with.
Be their companion.
Talk. Laugh. Walk together. Eat together. Create memories together.
Marriage should include friendship.
3. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
Your spouse needs to know:
“I can come home and be safe here.”
Listen without immediately judging.
Allow your spouse to express feelings.
Sometimes they don’t need a solution, they need someone who will simply listen and understand.
4. RESPECT
Love without respect can become painful.
Respect your spouse’s opinions, efforts, boundaries, responsibilities and individuality.
Never use your spouse’s vulnerabilities as weapons during arguments.
5. ENCOURAGEMENT
Marriage should be a place where your spouse receives strength, not constant discouragement.
Celebrate their progress.
Speak life.
Remind them of their abilities.
When the world is pulling them down, let home become a place where they can find encouragement.
6. PRACTICAL ASSISTANCE
Sometimes benevolence looks like helping.
If your spouse is overwhelmed, don’t simply say:
“That’s your responsibility.”
Ask:
“How can I help?”
Doing the dishes, helping with the children, assisting with work, running an errand or simply taking something off your spouse’s plate can be an expression of love.
7. FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
Financial responsibility is also part of caring for the household.
Marriage requires wisdom, transparency, accountability and a willingness to contribute toward the wellbeing and stability of the family.
Money should not become a weapon for control, punishment or humiliation.
PRAYER
Father, help us as couples to go beyond physical intimacy and become intentional in showing love, affection, emotional support, kindness, and genuine concern for one another. Teach us to understand and fulfill our responsibilities to each other with joy and selflessness, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Lord, restore every area of intimacy that has been weakened in our marriages. Heal emotional wounds, remove resentment and selfishness and rekindle friendship, communication, affection, and unity between spouses. Let our marriages reflect Your love and become stronger than ever, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
